Kill Them with Kindness? Understanding Romans 12:20
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
— Romans 12:20 (NIV)
At first glance, this verse can feel confusing, even contradictory. Feed your enemy? Offer a drink to someone who hurt you? And what does it mean to “heap burning coals on his head”?
To unpack this verse, we first have to understand the context. Romans 12 is Paul’s letter to the early church, encouraging believers to live differently — to reflect Christ’s love, even when it’s hard. He’s challenging a deeply human instinct: the desire to get even. Instead of revenge, Paul calls us to radical kindness.
Responding with Grace
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him…”
It’s not just about food or water, it’s about meeting a need. Paul is telling us that real strength shows up not in retaliation, but in compassion. When we care for someone who’s wronged us, it disarms them. It interrupts the cycle of hate, bitterness, or competition with something they never expected: grace.
This doesn’t mean we become doormats or excuse toxic behavior. It means we refuse to let someone else’s actions determine our own. We act out of character, not reaction.
What About the Burning Coals?
The line about “heaping burning coals” isn’t a call for revenge in disguise. In biblical times, fire represented purification. The image here suggests that your kindness might bring conviction — a deep, personal awareness in the heart of your enemy that may lead them to reflection, repentance, or even change.
It’s not about shaming them; it’s about giving God space to work through your mercy. Sometimes, loving your enemy is the loudest sermon you’ll ever preach.
Living This Out Today
We all have people in our lives who are difficult — maybe it’s someone who betrayed your trust, gossiped behind your back, or constantly tests your patience. Loving them might feel impossible. But Romans 12:20 isn’t asking you to feel love — it’s asking you to show it, through small, intentional acts.
This doesn’t just benefit the other person. It frees you, too. When you let go of vengeance, you release the burden of bitterness. You reclaim your peace.
Final Thoughts
Romans 12:20 reminds us that kindness isn’t weakness — it’s powerful. It’s a bold choice to love like Christ, even when it’s hard. When we choose compassion over conflict, we create space for healing, redemption, and maybe even reconciliation.
And in a world full of division, that kind of love stands out.